Stop Running From Your Story

Make peace with your Story.

Mastering My Story

As a coach and HR consultant, I enjoy facts and figures as a way to illustrate my thoughts and ideas. But it always amazes me that what people really want to hear about is my Story. Men and women alike ask, “Who is Alice”? “What would you do differently”? “What would you do again”?When I tell my Story, something amazing happens.  Someone responds.  Very rarely to the graphs and charts, but instead to the messy, vulnerable and raw parts that sound familiar. That high-powered, hard-charging woman approaches me with tears in her eyes and says, “Thank you for sharing your story.  Now I know what to do with mine”. The successful CEO thanks me for giving him a place to start a discussion with his wife.  The frustrated manager admits how exhausted he is pursuing his father’s dream. And it occurs to me that my hesitation to share my Story - especially that parts that I’m not proud of, or that I’m still afraid of – is rooted in a temptation to believe that my Story has no value.  But here is what I continue to learn - running from my Story may actually harm the one that it could have helped if I had shared it.Are you running from your story?  Are you pretending like you have it all together?  I get it.  But what would you discover if you started running to your Story?  I don’t mean letting it cripple you.  I mean looking at your Story from a different perspective.  What have you been missing?  What have you been hiding?  Where can you let go? How might you use your Story to open a door for someone else? When will you refuse to let your Story hold you back? Who needs a reason to accept their own Story because they have heard yours?It’s time to stop running from your story.  Here’s how:

Put your Story on notice

There is power in saying something out loud. Here’s what I said to my Story: “I won’t run from you anymore.” When I took control of how my Story could shape my present and my future, I started to make progress in ways that surprised me.  What do you need to say to your Story? When you’re ready, say it out loud.

Let go of the belief that your Story isn’t enough.

As a pastor’s daughter, most Sundays I was in church or on my way to church. Around 7 or 8 years of age, I rode a bus to Sunday School.  Every Sunday morning the bus driver would stop at a local candy store.  I’d hit my dad up for some cash the night before and protest, “Daddy that’s not enough”!  He replied, “It has to be enough because that’s what there is.”  Your Story is enough. Start there.

Resist the temptation to have a perfect Story.

Expectations were high for what I would do and become. Combine that background with a very driven personality and I had no room in my life for error.  No room for failure.  So when the inevitable failures came, the rest of the world moved on while I crashed and burned – sometimes privately, sometimes very publicly.  Allowing for imperfection in your life gives you space to be human.  Find one area of life where you can relax a little.  Your friends and family will thank you.  More importantly, you’ll wonder why you waited so long.

Make radical peace with your Story.

When I let the pain of my Story wash over me like a 10 ft. wave, I found myself consumed by it, not realizing I could choose anything else. I repeated the same mistakes. I had relationships with the same kind of people. And then, I did something that, for me, was radical.  Instead of letting the usual wave of pain crash over me, I stepped back. Way back.  When you feel like your Story is going to overwhelm you, do the opposite of what you’re feeling or thinking.  You can do it with grace and dignity, but don’t be afraid to let it all hang out if it sets a healthy boundary or protects you from harm.  Making radical peace with your Story is about doing something different and accepting the peace that comes from taking a stand for what you really want.

Write your Story down.

My nuclear family didn’t establish strong geographic roots until I got to high school, in a town I didn’t much care for. The first opportunity I had to leave town, I did.  As an adult, when friends shared stories of their family reunions and other traditions, I felt like a wanderer.  I wanted roots and traditions. I thought I was looking for a Story to tell.  But I discovered in my mid-thirties that when I began writing down bits and pieces of what I remembered from my life, I realized I had more of a Story than I had given myself credit for.  Some of my story made me cry; but much of my story made me proud.  Don’t over think it; just write.  A journal.  A blank piece of paper.  A Post-It note.  Your Story doesn’t change when you don’t face it.  Your Story begins to change when you do face it.

Recognize you already have permission to move forward with your Story.

My perfectionist tendencies meant that my Story kept me from doing the hard things, the scary things, the risky things, and even the right things. I was waiting for my Story to sound like someone else’s.  The permission I was looking for was already there.  And it is for you, too.  Stop running from your Story.  It’s trying to find you.For help making progress with your Story, give us a call or drop us a note.

All Rights Protected | Copyright 2018 | T.A.P. Executive Coaching