Get to The Other Side of Your Fear

April 21, 2016 Karen Hilton

Fear and progress are not mutually exclusive.

Get to The Other Side of Your Fear

Recently I was talking to my 7 year old about our new neighborhood. I asked him if he felt safe and he slowly and quietly said “no”. I went into Mommy-Detective-Protector mode. In a tender/ intent way that only a parent can understand, I asked him to tell me more. He said there was quicksand at the bottom of the hill. Perplexed, I investigated. He walked me to the threatening landscape of sticky mud. I assured him that what he was afraid of was something that looked like quicksand, but was in fact, was harmless mud.We discussed the similarities and differences between mud and quicksand (thank you National Geographic), and I helped him identify how to know when he should be concerned and when it was okay to just joyfully ride his bike (and formerly clean clothes) through the mud. He felt better but there was still something troubling him. What he was struggling to ask was “But what happens if I actually do find quicksand?” Even at 7 years old, he wanted to know - if actually faced with this thing that he fears - what to do to survive it. So I did what any good momma does in these kinds of situations – I went to YouTube. After an unreasonable dose of Bear Grylls, my boy was now ready to go back to being a kid.

My Teachable Moment

At the time, coaching was the last thing on my mind. But in that moment my “client” was my son. And as happens so often with my clients, I was learning something important from him.There was very little chance that what my son was afraid of was real, but the fear itself was real and affected how he felt, and what he did. His fear caused him to stay close to home, and he was hesitant to tell anyone what he was experiencing. He also felt embarrassed to tell anyone he had no idea what to do about this thing that looked like something from his nightmares.As a parent, I was compelled to use this as a teaching moment to help my son know what to do in the future, if faced with the same scenario. As an executive coach, I discovered a teachable moment for myself.

Fear is Real

I have experienced success throughout my life and career, but there have been countless times, like so many of my clients, when I was faced with something that triggered fear. Business challenges I had never faced before, interpersonal conflicts that required me to have uncomfortable conversations with myself or others, failures that exposed my vulnerability - I could go on.Here’s what I absolutely know for sure – fear is real and can both help you and hurt you. Fear can help you by alerting you to things that can injure, derail or distract you. Fear can hurt you by becoming the thing that injures you, derails you or distracts you.

Progress in the Midst of Fear

I no longer hold on to fear like I used to. It’s not that I don’t experience fear – I do. But at this point in my life and career, I’m much more curious about it than I am incapacitated. I have a small tribe of trusted friends and colleagues who know what I look and act like when fear is present. They have permission to bring it to my attention, and to help me face the fear - if I haven’t already dealt with it on my own.In almost every case, when I have experienced fear, I had no other choice than to continue with the other issues and responsibilities in my life. What I wish I had known so many years ago was that fear and progress are not mutually exclusive.

Your Formula For Making Progress

Whether your fear is justified or not, embrace the fact that almost everyone struggles with fear. If progress in your professional or personal life is required, use fear as a thumbs up to push through it, walk/run around it or knock it down.Here’s my formula, The Productive Fear Model™, to survive - even thrive - when you think you’ve found personal or professional quicksand.

Face your fear
Name it
Identify what you (really) want
Write a step-by-step plan to get from where you are to what you want
Decide what you’re willing and not willing to do; let go of the rest
Insert accountability into your approach
Keep your commitments to yourself
Decide now how you’ll get back on track if you feel fearful, hesitant or distracted

Quicksand is real, but you can survive it. And you can survive anything else in your professional or personal life that feels incapacitating, and just plain scary.

T.A.P. Executive Coaching exists to help individuals and organizations achieve Focus, connect to their Purpose and gain Perspective. The reality is, “You have more options than you realize”.Let’s have a conversation about what may be getting in the way of you making progress. We look forward to talking with you.