What do personal brand, success and leadership have in common?

They are all often misunderstood as what an individual believes about himself/herself to be true, when in fact, they are all largely driven by how others perceive us, and what they believe about us (to the point that they are inspired to act because of us).

It makes sense then that much of what we run after as leaders can be explored and tested through the lens of others. For leaders that we work with we introduce the concept of Accountability Partners (APs) as an effective, relational support for the transformation growth that occurs during the coaching process.  Accountability Partners are designed to provide an external perspective that is free of a leader’s internal limiting beliefs, perspectives and behaviors.

Accountability Partners are different from other types of developmental roles in the following ways:

When do I engage an Accountability Partner?

You can engage an Accountability Partner any time you can benefit from a perspective outside of your own. Although you don’t need standardized assessment data, etc., to engage an Accountability Partner, it’s helpful if you have identified 2-3 developmental goals that you want your AP to provide feedback on.

How is an Accountability Partner different from any other relationship I have at work?

An Accountability Partner has a specific job - to identify and provide you feedback on successes and challenges in the developmental areas you’ve shared with them.

What’s the purpose of an Accountability Partner? Can’t I just wait for someone to give me feedback through normal channels?

Effective Accountability Partner relationships exist for the purpose of receiving feedback (positive and constructive), insights and perspective from someone who has your best interest at heart, in a way that encourages proactive transparency, vulnerability and exploration.

APs can observe and share useful insights that provide real-time awareness about blind spots, harmful behaviors, relationship dynamics, organizational politics, potential triggers and general areas of opportunity.

APs can be useful sources of feedback because we are empowering them to see things and to access parts of our personal or professional lives that might otherwise be off limits.

Who should be an Accountability Partner?

Effective and healthy Accountability Partner relationships are ideally between people who respect each other. Notice I didn’t say that they like each other. Sometimes the person with whom you struggle to be in relationship with (work or personal) can become a powerful ally in calling you on your stuff.  That does require that your AP should be someone that has the integrity and professional maturity to take the role seriously, provide constructive feedback that can bring self-awareness, help you improve and will honor the rules of engagement.

What title an Accountability Partner has isn’t as important as the role they play in your life/career.

An Accountability Partner should be someone that can provide feedback objectively, and ideally, has experience working with you, has knowledge of the relationships around you, and can connect your goals/aspirations to your behaviors, interpersonal relationship dynamics, etc.

Your AP doesn’t have to have deep knowledge of your company, etc.  What they do need is to know your top 2-3 goals, and they must be empowered to give you honest feedback.

If you have existing strong relationships that can provide you real-time constructive insights and perspective, then simply glean what you need from these guidelines and forge ahead.

Who should NOT be an Accountability Partner?

An Accountability Partner should not be someone whom you don’t trust or respect.  Accountability Partners encourage a certain level of vulnerability on the part of the person receiving the feedback, and a certain level of courage on the part of the person giving the feedback.

Individuals with an ulterior motive should not be an Accountability Partner for you (i.e. a disgruntled employee, an angry supervisor). That said, someone you are holding yourself accountable to because you have let them down in some way can be a great AP (a significant other, for example, who is wanting you to take more responsibility with the kids).  The clarity here is, in the role of an AP, can they see your benefit above their own?  If not, you might consider selecting someone else.

Accountability Partners should also be a person who is willing and able to provide meaningful feedback.  Someone who rarely works with you and is hard to reach, for example, is not a great choice for an Accountability Partner.

How do I avoid becoming defensive when I receive difficult feedback?

The phrase “feedback is a gift” is baloney (unless it’s glowing feedback).  Otherwise, constructive (also known as negative) feedback is difficult to hear.  Sometimes constructive feedback fuels raw emotions like anger, bitterness and frustration. And that’s true for a majority of humans (not just leaders).

Here are some tips to allow constructive/negative feedback to fuel your progress instead of hindering it:

• Acknowledge how you’re feeling, in a way that is self-controlled and reasonable. Screaming “you’re an idiot! I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to this company!” is unproductive and inappropriate. Saying, “Wow.  That really hits me where I live.  I wasn’t expecting that kind of feedback.  What else can you tell me?” demonstrates self-control, professional maturity, an openness to growth and it humanizes your approach to leadership.

• Remember that every great leader of our time has received difficult feedback. The good news is everyone can learn how to develop a curiosity about constructive feedback to the point that what they learn from the feedback, and how they grow as a result of the feedback, overshadows whatever flaw existed in the first place.

• Ground yourself in a good dose of 1) your strengths, experience and contributions and 2) the areas where you have room to grow/develop. Be open to the idea that there are things you do well; be equally open to the idea that there are some things you don’t do well. 

• Embrace the idea that most feedback isn’t fatal. Avoid the temptation to take a fatalistic view of feedback given.  Doing so will only put you more on the defensive. 

• Develop the art of being curious. What can you learn about yourself from the constructive feedback you are hearing?  What can you learn about the person giving the feedback (i.e. what’s important to them)? How could I have addressed this sooner? What does the organization value that I may have missed? Who can engage as allies, advocates, etc.? The more curious you are the quieter defensiveness will be.

Tips for Engaging Your Accountability Partner

Here’s what we have learned are the traits of the most effective Accountability Partner relationships:

• Empower your Accountability Partner (AP). Give them your specific, explicit permission to give you feedback. Explain why you choose them and encourage them to draw from those characteristics to give you feedback.
  

• Share what your AP can count on from you to encourage their open and honest feedback. Being open to feedback, doing more listening than talking, exercising self-control and asking for clarification might be some of the things you commit to.  In order for trust to grow, however, you have to keep your commitments with your AP.
  

• Set up rules of engagement.

  • How do you like to receive feedback?

  • Confirm whether you want your AP to be very direct in the way they communicate: “Bob you were horrible to Larry in that meeting.” or if you prefer a more diplomatic approach, “Bob, how do you think that meeting went? Would you do anything differently?”

  • Be specific about the kinds of information and the amount of information you would like to hear in the feedback you receive. For example:

    I’d like to hear positive observations first, then tell me the one thing you see as an opportunity for me to improve in the area of ________________.”

    Listen, I know we are both busy so cut right to the chase when you’re giving me feedback. Don’t hold back – as much or as little as you have on your mind is helpful.

  • Clarify how long you would like the arrangement to exist (if your AP is not your manager, set a start and end time) – 6/12/24 weeks, every 3 months, etc. What frequency would you like to get feedback? Real time, x times per week, in writing, etc/?

  • Touch base at regular intervals to gauge successes, developmental areas, etc. Is the feedback useful, actionable? What’s working/what’s not?

I recommend formal Accountability Partner relationships go no more than about 6 months. Anything longer, and both parties involved can start to feel burnout and overwhelm.

Follow these simple guidelines and you will be on your way to a powerful Accountability Partner relationship that brings significant value to your professional and personal pursuits.

T.A.P. can help. Reach out today for a complimentary assessment at support@tapexecutivecoaching.com or call  (678) 626-7028.

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